To POAS or not? That is the question.
First of all, I want to thank everyone for your comments on my posts. You don't know how much it means to me to read all the well wishes. I cannot thank you enough.
I want to go home. For me, this is the worst 2WW ever. There is so much riding on this. I don't know if I can take another BFN. I am being totally serious. I'm afraid that if it doesn't work out this time, it's going to break me for good.
I wanted to POAS last Saturday, which was 5dp5dt; but I decided against it. I didn't want to see a false negative. So I fought the urge to POAS that day. Then I was going to POAS on Sunday. Again, I chickened out. I'm just so scared that I might not see that ever elusive 2nd line. I've never had a positive hpt or beta, and it would just totally destroy me if I saw another negative.
So that leaves today. Can I fight the POAS off another day? I don't know. Today is 7dp5dt. There should be enough hCG to be detected today, right? Yet, I'm just so scared. I've been "holding and saving" my urine this morning and staring at my box of 3 pack First Respone Early Result pregnancy test. Who knows, I might hold off until tomorrow.
My beta isn't until Wednesday. Can I hold off the evil hpt until then? -- Just two more days? Beforehand, I've always tested the day before my beta. I did so because I am such an impatient person. I wanted to know one way or the other. And when I received my BFN call from the nurse, at least I was a little prepared for it. It didn't make it less painful, but I knew what was coming. OMG, I don't want to ever feel that way again.
The main reason I haven't POAS yet is because if it was negative, I wouldn't want to continue on the meds -- 3 Prometrium daily and 4 Vivelle patches every other day. For those paying out-of-pocket, you know how expensive the meds can be. For instance, each Vivelle patch costs roughly $10 a patch. That's $40 every two days. And I've been on the patches ever since January 28th. And in my mind, if I don't see the two lines on the hpt, why would I need to keep dumping money into a failed cycle?
I haven't felt any "symptoms" although I wouldn't know what positive symptoms would be like. Here's the break down:
1dp5dt -- Mild AF-like cramping off and on, body felt very hot. Sore breasts. Urine production more than usual. Nausea.
2p5dt -- Mild AF-like cramping off and on, body felt very hot. Sore breasts. Urine production more than usual. Nausea.
3dp5dt -- Mild cramping off and on, body temp felt hot, like I couldn't regulate my body temperature. Sore breasts off and on.
4dp5dt -- Cramped once in the morning and then no more cramping, body temp felt warmer than usual. Twinges in my lower abdomen. Felt bloated in my lower abdomen.
5dp5dt -- No cramping, body temp felt warmer than usual. Twinges in my lower abdomen.
6dp5dt -- No cramping, body temp felt warmer than usual. Twinges in my lower abdomen. Strong heartbeat. Irritable. Emotional.
7dp5dt -- Ever so lightly "different" cramping once this morning, body temp feels warmer than usual. Twinges in my lower abdomen. Irritable.
I have no idea what to think of my "symptoms." I always cramp about a week before AF shows. Aaack!
Oh please God, let there be at least one baby growing in there! I promise that we will be the best parents that we could be, raising our child(ren) to love and serve You! We just need a chance... our child(ren) need(s) a chance... PLEASE...
Posted by Linda at 9:52 AM