Diagnosis: Male factor infertility complicated by DH's Robertsonian Translocation 13;15.
IVF #1 July 2006 (Pensacola, FL) 23 eggs retrieved. 18 fertilized via ICSI. PGD. 8 "normal" embryos. Freeze all cycle due to severe OHSS. Hospitalized for 8 days.
FET #1 November 2006 (Pensacola, FL) Canceled at the last minute (after taking all the meds and shots for about 3 weeks) due to nonsuppression.
FET #2 September 2007 (Pensacola, FL) Transferred 1 female embryo. BFN.
FET #3 November 2007 (Pensacola, FL) Transferred 2 male embryos. BFN.
Decided to change fertlility clinics, so consulted with CCRM in Denver and SIRM in Las Vegas. Chose CCRM and transferred remaining 5 frozen embryos from Pensacola to Denver to have them genetically re-checked. 3 embryos died upon thaw, 1 embryo's genetic test came back inconclusive. 1 embryo normal for chromosomes 13 & 15. Re-froze the one normal embryo and the one inconclusive embryo.
One-day work up at CCRM in April 2008. FSH 7.18, E2 29, AMH 4.3, AFC 35+, genetic testing on me all came back normal. DH's genetic testing came back with 65% of sperm are affected with the unbalanced translocation.
IVF #2 July 2008 (Denver, CO) 30 eggs retrieved. 26 mature. 23 fertilized via ICSI. PGD. 7 embryos normal for chromosomes 13 & 15. 1 embryo made it to freeze. Transferred 2 grade AA blasts. BFN.
IVF #3 November 2008 (Denver, CO) 34 eggs retrieved. 25 mature. 22 fertilized via ICSI. 15 blasts for CGH testing. Results: 8 abnormal & 7 no results. The 7 no results will be thawed, re-biopsied, and re-vitrified; and the cells will be sent for FISH analysis for the translocation. Should get those results by Christmas. UPDATE: 1 blast is normal for 13 & 15 and 1 blast still no result.
FET #4 February 2009 (Denver, CO) Our first ever BFP!! Beta #1 (9dp5dt): 174 !!!!! Beta #2 (11dp5dt): 401 !!!!!
As you can tell by the baby ticker above, our baby has arrived!! OMG, I can't believe I just wrote that! After all the heartache that we've went through, I never thought "it" could happen to us. That's something that only happens to other people, not us.
I won't go into detail here on this blog about our birth story, as I know this may be a sensitive subject to some of you. I get that. So I will create another blog that is all about our baby (I will be back later to post the link). And for those that feel up to it to reading it, then great! But if not, it's fine as well. Like I said before, I get what it feels like to still be struggling, chasing after a dream which may or may not come true. I remember all too well waiting patiently for our turn... Our turn at getting the BFP phone call, our turn to finally see two lines on those evil pee sticks, our turn to see and hear our baby's heartbeat, our turn to hold our baby in our loving and waiting arms, our turn at happiness...
Although I am overjoyed (ok, overjoyed can't begin to describe it), I still am dealing with all the emotions from day 1 of ttc. Our journey to parenthood, to finally start living again...It has not come easy, cheap or without debilitating pain, sorrow, and loss. My scars run deep and I will never be the same person I was before all this started. I am changed. Forever. Our baby has brought a sense of healing to some degree. But I will always have a deep, dark hole in my heart for all the babies we have lost. We believe that life begins at conception, so all those embryos that were genetically abnormal and thus discarded (I still have nightmares about what we did)...Well, I know we will have to answer for that one day.
On the outside, I may seem like I have it all together. But when you scratch the surface, you'll see a whole different picture. I didn't do all the things that I had planned on doing when pg, you know all the "normal" things that a pg person does - baby shower, maternity pictures, shopping at Babies-R-Us or in the baby section at Target or Walmart. Instead, I was deep with worry and anxiety - for I know all too well that it- my happiness- could all be taken away from me in an instant. So I didn't really let myself be happy. Even today, I can't allow myself to really enjoy being happy.
I have decided not to close out this blog, as one day we will be back on this road for our 2 no result embryos that are still frozen at CCRM. (It breaks my heart that we can't afford to move to Denver, as I want to be near our frozen embryos.) We cannot abandon them. I'm hoping and praying that at least one of them is normal. However, I'm not sure if I'll cycle again, to try to get at least one known normal to transfer with the 2 no results. I don't know if I can take another BFN. Another factor would be money. We've spent close to $150,000 (no infertility insurance) out-of-pocket to become parents. So in the meantime we'll take some time to try to pay down the credit cards, medical loans, and second mortgage. We can't wait too long, as age is a factor.
So for now, I thank you for keeping up with me on this heartbreaking journey. Thank you for your support, crying with me, venting with me, and understanding. You all have played an instrumental role in my life and will forever be in my heart. I offer you prayers, well wishes, good thoughts ...that your road to parenthood will come true.