As you may know, I've taken a hiatus from blogging, as I haven't been "together" enough to post my thoughts and feelings coherently. Everytime I start to blog, I would bawl my eyes out. I find that this past cycle is so hard to "get over". However, I don't think one ever "gets over" a failed cycle. Instead, one finds a way to move on. I guess technically, my last cycle wasn't a failed cycle - but I feel so down in the dumps about it nonetheless. You would think that after 3 IVFs and 3 FETs, I'd be used to this by now. After each cycle, it gets harder and harder for me to cope with the reality of our situation.
My husband and I have been keeping to ourselves lately. It's just so hard, especially pretending that everything is ok and putting on a fake smile for everyone. Christmas was extremely hard. We forced ourselves to go to Mass on Christmas Day, where it seems like everyone has a little one or two or more or they are either expecting. It took everything I had not to cry in the middle of church.
I'll post details of the FISH analysis later, probably tonight if I can stop crying long enough. Right now, I just want to let you all know that I'm having a really, really rough time and to please forgive me for not updating sooner. And I thank you, from the bottom of my infertile heart, for your comments, emails, and PMs. I will get to each and everyone of your blogs and catch up.
Posted by Linda at 9:15 AM