We're going for it again!!!!!!!!

I got my IVF #3 schedule!!!! I'm so excited! I want to be a mom so bad that I'm throwing caution to the wind and going for it again!!

Here's my tentative schedule, as the date may change for the egg retrieval.

I started my period on Monday, so that's cycle day one (CD 1). I start the BCP today (CD 3), and I will be taking it for 25 days. I don't like taking BCPs, as they make me nauseous. But I don't mind because it's just one of the hurdles I have to go through to have a baby. The reward definitely far outweighs what I have to go through.

Next Wednesday (October 1), I will have to do the HSG test here at the radiology department in Sacred Heart. You would think that with all I've been through, I wouldn't be anxious about this test. But, I'm very nervous about it. I'm nervous partly due to the horror stories I've heard and mostly because I have little confidence in the health professionals here (other than my GYN and regular doctor and opthamologist and allergist and...Gosh, I see a lot of doctors) in Pensacola. Maybe I'm just tainted by my experience with the local fertility doctor. I don't know.

I take my last BCP on October 18. Then October 22, I have my suppression check. The suppression check is to make sure that my ovaries are "quiet." In other words, no follicles/eggs are growing. It is checked via vaginal ultrasound and hormone blood tests. I'm always anxious with the suppression because I have been known to ovulate while on BCP AND Lupron shots (Lupron is supposed to further suppress the ovaries) at the same time. But then again, I was a patient here at the local fertility clinic when that happened. Again, I should've been monitored more closely but I digress...

I start my stimulation shots on October 23. I should be on the same meds as before - Follistim in the morning and Menopur in the evening.

October 26, I will have to have my first ultrasound/blood work at CCRM. Because I have to be there by then, we have to leave Pensacola on October 24. We will be driving the Yukon again, as we are taking Buttercup with us. We will stay overnight in Dallas. It just happened to work out for us that Dallas is the half-way point.

I will have to go in for ultrasound/blood work every day until egg retrieval. Dr. Schoolcraft is very cautious, as I developed severe, and I mean severe OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation) with IVF #1 here in Pensacola under the care of the local fertility doctor.

My tentative egg retrieval date is November 3. But I tend to take a little longer to "cook" my eggs, so the surgery may be later. We will not be doing any embryo transfers this cycle, as we are doing CGH to test all 23 pairs of chromosomes. That genetic test will take approximately 6 weeks, so after the embryologist biopsies the embryos on day 5, he will immediately vitrify them. Vitrify is the new way of freezing the embryos, with a 99% change of not damaging the embryos versus the old method (that the local fertility doctor did) which has a 50-50 chance of damaging the embryos. So after we get the results, I would start preparing my body to accept the CGH normal embryo(s). That would be a Frozen Embryo Cycle (FET). I've been through 3 FETs before, and they're not as hard on the body as going through regular IVF (which this will be my 3rd IVF). It takes about another 6 weeks to get ready for the FET, so we're looking at early next year before I actually can get the embryos. That means another drive to Denver, possibly in the snow!

We were thinking of just staying in Denver from October on to the FET cycle, but that wouldn't be feasible. We looked at renting a house, but I don't want to live in another house other than my own. It goes back to my OCD.

I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Peace, if not only for a moment

We woke up at 9am so that we could go to the 10:30am Mass. We usually like to get to church at around 10am, as we like to "prepare" for Mass. I usually start by kneeling and doing the Sign of the Cross and a prayer asking for forgiveness. Then I reflect on His Passion.

Jesus suffered both physically and mentally. He was rejected. Judas betrayed Him, Peter denied Him three times and the rest of the Apostles abandoned Him. Those who tortured Him not only wanted Him dead, but they also wanted Him to suffer. He endured horrendous scourging. At the praetorium He was publicly derided and sentenced to death by crucifixion. As a further humiliation, He was forced to carry the instrument of His execution. He was so weak, He could hardly walk and yet He dragged the heavy cross on His shoulder and fell with the cross on top of Him. He got up each time. After reaching the crest of Calvary, He received the nails into His hands and feet. When they raised the cross up, the nails in His hands held His body up. But His up-stretched arms began to squeeze His lungs and He couldn't breathe. So He had to push down on His crucified feet to raise His body to fill His lungs with air. He managed to do this for three hours. Finally, He had no strength left and He suffocated, and died, giving us His life.

Whenever I think of what Jesus suffered and died for us so that we may live, I no longer thought of myself - only Him. This brought me peace at the moment.

I will close this blog with a quote from St. Gemma Galgani.

“I wish that my heart could beat, that I could live and breathe only for Jesus, I wish that my tongue could utter no other name than that of Jesus; that my eye could see only Jesus; that my pen could write only about Jesus, and that my thoughts could soar to nothing but Jesus. I have often wondered where on earth there might be something on which I could center my love. But neither on earth nor in heaven do I find any such thing but only my beloved Jesus… I am the fruit of Your passion, Jesus, born of Your wounds. O Jesus, seek me in love; I no longer possess anything; you have stolen my heart…” - St. Gemma Galgani

Yup